[Poasplus] anybody there?

[downen5804 at suddenlink.net]

Ok, so I don't know if y'all will be around anytime soon, but I need to vent to someone.  Lucky you.

As I finished up my last Clomid pill, thinking about how next month will be two flippin years ttc, suffering through the pits of hell they call hot flashes and headaches and mood swings like you wouldn't believe, I get a phone call.  From who - my sister in law who has been ttc for all of 5 months (and tells me she knows exactly how I feel because she's in the same boat).  They are - wait for it - pregnant.  She didn't gloat or anything, she was nice about it I guess, but I still would rather not know right now.  Or I would have rather her called Rob and told him and asked him if she should tell me or let him.  I would rather not have been put on the spot, even if it is over the phone.

So, after I cried for oh - all night long - now I am just pissed.  Not really at her, but just the fact that she is and I'm not.  She had her first little boy only two months before I started trying.  And now she's pregnant again.  And I have to see her 5 month pregnant ass at Christmas and pretend to be happy for her.  I should be, but I'm not.  I told Rob I don't want to go.  But it's our year to go spend Christmas with his family and I know they will all be very disappointed if we don't go, and truth be told Rob will too.  But I don't want to go.  I would rather he go and we spend Christmas apart.  Which he won't do, but that's how much I don't want to go.  He just says "you know we won't be around them very much".  But we will all Christmas day, and I'll have to hear about it the rest of the time.  

I know I'm being very selfish.  But I think y'all may be the only ones who get this.  Nobody else does.  Hug your girls for me.  I'm going to hide out before I beat someone up.  That should be the punishment for criminals - they could just let the pissed off infertiles who just found out the world is pregnant have a go at them.  Crime rates would plummet.
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